I'm been exhausted lately. I really think it must be from the lack of nutrients going into my body. So I've decided to change that. Or attempt to, anyway. I definitely need more protein. I hardly get any unless I try.
So far today:
1 Viactiv calcium chew.
1 chewable Centrum multivitamin.
Carnation instant breakfast chocolate shake with skim milk (5 grams of protein in Carnation) with half a scoop of chocolate whey protein added (approx 10 grams of protein).
and I am currently sipping on some water (which I have been wayyyy too lax on lately).
That's pretty good for 10 am, right? :)
I also brought some cottage cheese for lunch.. a little over a serving so about 15 grams of protein. Nice. I know I need to try to get some hard protein in as well.. but hard protein is, well, hard for me to eat right now lol. I'll work on it.
Hope everyone is having a lovely hump day!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
puke.
Food troubles are still following me. I've been puking way more than the healthy amount. But I'm trying to be really careful. On Saturday I had some soup with with only minor discomfort for a bite or two. For dinner I tried a tiny piece of pork chop and some asparagus.. except I did a no-no and tried to eat the asparagus first (protein first, always!) ... but I just love asparagus so much, hah. I didn't eat any of the pork chop. And I puked up the asparagus (one of my least favorite things to puke up, btw). Yesterday I had two bites of yogurt, a salad for lunch (took me about 45 min to eat) and half of piece of pizza for dinner. No puking! Yay! No puking today either so far either.. I haven't even been tight today. It IS that time of month (starting last night)... so maybe my band will loosen up a little now. *fingers crossed*
For those who asked.. I had my surgery in Minnesota.. where I grew up and was living at the time. I have since moved to Michigan. There really is only one band filling center where I live here.. and they're not very keen to take new patients if they haven't had the band for at least a year.. and when I moved to Michigan, I had only had the band for a little over a month. (It was a year in mid-April). Plus, I have since had to change insurance companies.. and this new insurance doesn't cover 'pre-existing conditions', lol. So I have to pay out of pocket for my fills. Fills here are over $300. Fills at my clinic in MN are $55. So I schedule my visits around visits home to my family. It's been working okay so far. :)
A little scale talk -- I neverrrr weighed myself when I before the band. Ever. So... really, I have no idea what I weighed throughout high school or before. I do know that I now fit into shorts I wore when I was 16. I know I weigh less now than I did throughout all of college. And I'm pretty sure I'm close to weighing less than I did when I started high school. I guess the only way to tell would be to look at medical records or something.. I'm not too concerned. It's kind of neat though...
For those who asked.. I had my surgery in Minnesota.. where I grew up and was living at the time. I have since moved to Michigan. There really is only one band filling center where I live here.. and they're not very keen to take new patients if they haven't had the band for at least a year.. and when I moved to Michigan, I had only had the band for a little over a month. (It was a year in mid-April). Plus, I have since had to change insurance companies.. and this new insurance doesn't cover 'pre-existing conditions', lol. So I have to pay out of pocket for my fills. Fills here are over $300. Fills at my clinic in MN are $55. So I schedule my visits around visits home to my family. It's been working okay so far. :)
A little scale talk -- I neverrrr weighed myself when I before the band. Ever. So... really, I have no idea what I weighed throughout high school or before. I do know that I now fit into shorts I wore when I was 16. I know I weigh less now than I did throughout all of college. And I'm pretty sure I'm close to weighing less than I did when I started high school. I guess the only way to tell would be to look at medical records or something.. I'm not too concerned. It's kind of neat though...
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
fill + food = ouch.
I'm back from a two week hiatus (to South Carolina and Minnesota). In MN, I went for a visit to the doctor. I swear, I'm soooo sensitive to fills it's ridiculous. In Feb I got an unfill because I could barely eat. It's hard for me because I live 10 hrs away from my doctor.. So, she took out 1 cc in Feb and I could eat pretty okay for the first time in forever. (Bring on the bread! ... yeah, it wasn't good). Somewhere in that time period (from Feb - May) I started getting tight again when I ate. I'm not sure why.. I didn't get another fill. I didn't do anything differently. Maybe it was stress, who knows. I started to get tight but I did not start getting FULL. I wanted to eat all the time. So.. I went home for a visit last week and stopped at the doctors. She decided to put in half of what she took out.. thinking that was a nice compromise. Holy tightness. I can't eat ANYTHING. Forget about eating in the morning.. I can barely keep a shake down. It gets a little better in the afternoon. I'm not sure what to do about this.
On the plus side, I'm seeing the scale move a bit. I'm back down to where I was in Feb (I had a total gain of 5 lbs from Feb- May, which isn't all that bad... considering). It's going to be a struggle to get in the proper nutrients if I keep having troubles like this. I've never really had an easy time eating with the band at any stage.. it's always been really, really hard. But I wouldn't change it. It's done amazing thing.
End goal: lose 40 more lbs.
Ideal goal: lose 50.
No timeline.
On the plus side, I'm seeing the scale move a bit. I'm back down to where I was in Feb (I had a total gain of 5 lbs from Feb- May, which isn't all that bad... considering). It's going to be a struggle to get in the proper nutrients if I keep having troubles like this. I've never really had an easy time eating with the band at any stage.. it's always been really, really hard. But I wouldn't change it. It's done amazing thing.
End goal: lose 40 more lbs.
Ideal goal: lose 50.
No timeline.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
sigh
I was all excited at the beginning of the week because the scale was finally moving.. and in the right direction! I was down 4.5 lbs and it was awesome. Short-lived, but awesome. This morning I'm right where I started from...
I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day. and I don't. (I weigh myself every other day, haha). I should probably cut back to the whole once a week thing. Especially since the scale is slowwww moving. I go to the doctor at the end of May and I'm pretty excited (my doctor is just a short 10 hr drive away.. so I don't see her often.) Maybe this will boost some weight loss. I just wish I wasn't soooo sensitive about it. Ah well. I want to lose this weight so badly but it seems that somewhere in the mix I became kind of complacent. I want that excitement that I had when I first started losing... 'cause that was a great time. You start out feeling like you're doing something impossible because you have so much weight to lose.. and then you lose half of it (or in my case, 2/3 of it) and it becomes kind of 'whatever'. I don't want it to be! I know once I see the numbers moving again I'll get excited and get this done.
I know I shouldn't weigh myself every day. and I don't. (I weigh myself every other day, haha). I should probably cut back to the whole once a week thing. Especially since the scale is slowwww moving. I go to the doctor at the end of May and I'm pretty excited (my doctor is just a short 10 hr drive away.. so I don't see her often.) Maybe this will boost some weight loss. I just wish I wasn't soooo sensitive about it. Ah well. I want to lose this weight so badly but it seems that somewhere in the mix I became kind of complacent. I want that excitement that I had when I first started losing... 'cause that was a great time. You start out feeling like you're doing something impossible because you have so much weight to lose.. and then you lose half of it (or in my case, 2/3 of it) and it becomes kind of 'whatever'. I don't want it to be! I know once I see the numbers moving again I'll get excited and get this done.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Biggest Loser **spoiler**
Okayyyy. so just got done watching Biggest Loser. LOVE this show, seriously.. but, 3 hours for the finale? Really? Movies aren't even that long. I love seeing the transformations. It's crazyyyy. And Jerry.. wow.
Did anyone else think it was crazy that they made America vote for one of those two girls to get on the biggest loser? We're barely introduced to these girls and now we decide their fate? That's crazy. They could both be so deserving. Or undeserving. How do we choose? And then one gets rejected on national television? Not cool, Biggest Loser. Not cool.
Raise your hand if you thought Helen looked crazy. (*raises hand*.. holla!) She went overboard. She looked sick. I can see the headlines in a year... 'Former Biggest Loser contestant hospitalized for anorexia' .. or something crazy like that. 117 lbs? Maybe I'm just bitter that Tara didn't win. Tara should have won. Grrrr.
Can't wait for the next season!
PS - I love Jillian.. total crush. ahah.
Did anyone else think it was crazy that they made America vote for one of those two girls to get on the biggest loser? We're barely introduced to these girls and now we decide their fate? That's crazy. They could both be so deserving. Or undeserving. How do we choose? And then one gets rejected on national television? Not cool, Biggest Loser. Not cool.
Raise your hand if you thought Helen looked crazy. (*raises hand*.. holla!) She went overboard. She looked sick. I can see the headlines in a year... 'Former Biggest Loser contestant hospitalized for anorexia' .. or something crazy like that. 117 lbs? Maybe I'm just bitter that Tara didn't win. Tara should have won. Grrrr.
Can't wait for the next season!
PS - I love Jillian.. total crush. ahah.
blog comments?
Maybe I just use facebook or myspace too often... but.. does this whole blog thing REALLY not tell me when someone has left me a comment? ... I mean, what if someone leaves me a comment on a super old entry? I would never know!
.... am I missing something here?
.... am I missing something here?
Passing for thin..
I wonder if it's ever going to stop feeling weird that I'm not the biggest person in the room anymore. When I was 12 I was slightly overweight... and I remember walking down the street and trying to comfort myself by looking at adults who were larger than me and thinking, 'well, that person probably wishes they were MY size'. That idea kind of stuck with me for a long time. I didn't realize how big I was getting. In college, I looked around the swarm of people who were passing me in the hallways and realized that I could no longer point out anyone bigger than me. I had become the biggest one in the room. There was no comfort there. Not that there should have been comfort being the second biggest in the room, but you know what I'm saying.
I still have a long way to go. Sometimes I still am the biggest in the room. It's funny to me.. that when I was 80 lbs heavier, most of the time I failed to realize. You know when you take your mind out of your body and view the scene from up above? I looked like everyone else in my mind. Then you see pictures.. And I knew my weight was out of control when I could no longer take a good face pic because my face looked so puffy and... swollen, almost. Now that I've lost 80 lbs (I'm still obese, mind you.. I have to lose 5-6 more lbs before I'm only 'overweight') ... I feel fatter than I ever did sometimes. I'm so aware of it now. My mind has not caught up with my body at all. Even though I'm still obese.. I look pretty 'regular'. No one would probably walk past me and think 'boy, is she fat' in their head. I'm not thin.. but I'm not worth commenting on either. I sit in a weird limbo and I'm just trying to get my mind caught up.
In other news, I recently read the book Passing For Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself by Frances Kuffel. It's a great book for anyone losing a significant amount of weight. I liked it.
I still have a long way to go. Sometimes I still am the biggest in the room. It's funny to me.. that when I was 80 lbs heavier, most of the time I failed to realize. You know when you take your mind out of your body and view the scene from up above? I looked like everyone else in my mind. Then you see pictures.. And I knew my weight was out of control when I could no longer take a good face pic because my face looked so puffy and... swollen, almost. Now that I've lost 80 lbs (I'm still obese, mind you.. I have to lose 5-6 more lbs before I'm only 'overweight') ... I feel fatter than I ever did sometimes. I'm so aware of it now. My mind has not caught up with my body at all. Even though I'm still obese.. I look pretty 'regular'. No one would probably walk past me and think 'boy, is she fat' in their head. I'm not thin.. but I'm not worth commenting on either. I sit in a weird limbo and I'm just trying to get my mind caught up.
In other news, I recently read the book Passing For Thin: Losing Half My Weight and Finding Myself by Frances Kuffel. It's a great book for anyone losing a significant amount of weight. I liked it.
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